Marriage is a very happy occassion and a time of joy. Every couple who gor married hope that the marriage will last forever, -happily ever after. To do that a lot need to be done by each spouse- husband and wife. Marriage need to ignited and spice up to keep it alive, and to continue the love and affection for one another.
Marriage is sharing and giving by both. It is not one way. Both spouse have responsibilities, which mean equal but of course there are role which only women can do, like getting pregnant, and there are a role of a man which is to provide (Shelter, food and protection).
Sherif Mohammed says by getting married a man is not just getting a wife, he also getting a whole world. The wife will the partner, the companion, and the best friend.
She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. She take the best care of you when you ill; when you need help, she will do all she can for you When you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you by her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.
Spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans.
As explained in surah baqarah 2:187 "They are your garments and you are their garments"The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquillity that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable.
The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is as the Quran says
"And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions) of your own nature ..." (Surah Al Nahl 16:72)
Allah SWT reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur'an,
"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)
But Allah SWT knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.
The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She out ran him but later after she had gained some weight, he out ran her.
He took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating.
You will be rewarded by Allah SWT for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet (pbuh) said "one would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife."
Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car's door for her, etc.
Prophet (pbuh) used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel.
Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah SWTis the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in having more peace at home.
Prophet (pbuh) gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. He urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up even by throwing cold water on his/her face.
Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always. Prophet (pbuh) said "the best of you are those who are best to their wives."
It is not enough just to vow to love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offsprings.
The best example in this regard is the Prophet (pbuh) whose love for Khadija, extended to include all those she loved and continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send portions of it to Khadija's family and friends and whenever he felt that the visitor at the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray saying "O Allah let it be Hala."
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But not all hopeS will come true or fulfillED. Today marriages to last forver will need miracle.
Despit the marriage courses conducted, the number of dovorces increases. The marriage courses usually stress on the women's role but limited is explained on the men's role as presnted in the example given and shown in the Quran and by Prophet (pbuh).
As an agency or organization that handled marriage and divorce, needs to be professional and handle divorce as fair nd equal as possible.
People or couple who have experience oversea lives usually choose to get married oversea or get divorce oversea because it is fast, and painless. The princip is simple. Based on the marriage vow, if a man failed to provide physical, emotional, sexual needs, marriage become void. Of course the rules, the hukum (hukum Islam, that is) applied.
I have known people (not one) who got married (nikah) oversea and come home for the ceremony and I also have friends who divorce not settle after years in court remarry oversea.
The longer the process takes, the more people money are spents and more times are wasted.
When marriage should end, it need to end as happy as the marriage was. Unfortunately it does not. It usually ends with bitterness, costly, humiliation, long process and hatred. And it is the females will suffer the most.
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